I am a writer, and a real writer bleeds on the paper. If you are an artist of any kind, you can not create without offering up the sacrifice of your heart to the work. It is life. You've birthed this creation. You've nurtured, feared, struggled, cried, laughed, and bled as you brought it from the void into manifestation.
Some of my work has my essence naked for the reader to see, and some of it is far from the reality of myself and my life. Nonetheless, these stories and poems are all dear to me. I didn't quite realize how dear until they were met with rejection and silence.
I know. I know. I hear the published authors and other kinds of artists telling me to thicken my skin, not take it personally. I won't argue against the truth of that. But I'm speaking of this because I am seeing the deeper truths beneath my emotional reactions.
Over the past 24 hours I've been judged and judged others. I've cried. I've been angry. I've yelled. I watched on Twitter friends tweet of their dreams, tweet self-affirmations of their worth and instead of reacting from a place of love I felt anger. I felt a sense of "Why You?!"
Ah, yes -- why you and not me? As if love is limited in its supply. As if my abundance is limited by another's success.
I realized that I, like many of us, was stuck in a view of the world that originates in from a place of limitations and lack. But the truth is when love is given, it doesn't lessen the supply I have, it only increases it. Since metaphysically we are all one, how one person is treated impacts all of us. So if I am loving to someone, in the end I'm being loving to myself. If I practice compassion for others, I learn compassion for myself.
Once you move from lack/fear into abundance/love, something interesting can occur. I can be in an emotional space to have the compassion to say, "I am that." Here's the idea. We have a tendency to want to judge and punish others for things we think and desire within ourselves. Let's take an extreme example: a person who stalks someone. Now deep down in this person's psyche, he longs for love. Perhaps he even believes if someone else is experiencing it that it takes away from his chance. Perhaps he fears that he will never find someone that makes him feel the way this other person does.
Looking at his emotions, his fears, I can honestly say, "I am that." I have longed for someone and lost him, worried I might not feel that passion again. I've envied and worried as I watch people in love, wondering if I am running out of chances.
In every case, no matter the extremity of the situation, there is a humanity that we can relate to and say, "I am that." We can recognize ourselves in the frazzled parent yelling at their child, the distracted driver who cuts us off, the insecure friend who acts out to get more attention.
Being able to go Yes, I've been frustrated and angry. Yes, I've been far too busy and gotten distracted and forgotten to pay attention.Yes, I've worried about being loved and accepted.I am that. allows you to tune in again to love and recognize our oneness. You may not have reacted in the same way as someone else, but you can understand a bit of what they are going through.
In practicing moving myself more into a loving, centered state and doing this exercise of "I am that" today, I have been able to work through my sorrows. I am clear enough emotionally now to honor those places I need to heal without being lost in the pain. I am once again able to view those who frustrated me with great compassion and love. I am grateful to each one of them for being there to teach me.
So practice this and let me know what you think. Namaste and Blessed Be.