Poem: And so We Danced.

You pulled my strings,
a macabre dance
reaching for you,
praying for tenderness,
a kind word of praise
as you turned away.

Just a child…
I was frightened at your rage,
ever wondering what words
to say,
what face to wear
what gesture to make
to stay in your grace.

And the pain of your hand
across my face
paled against the fierceness
of your voice
screaming in my head.

My soul was gifted to you
to love, to protect,
to inspire…

Ah inspire you did.
Self-hate,
And rivers of blood from razor blades,
never deep enough,
never numbered enough.

I can’t exorcize the demon.
Your refrain,
the distain
ever plays.
And there is no way
to block the roar
save to end it all.
And thanks to you
I’ve not the strength.

So you drink
And you smoke
and again we dance.
The passing of years matter not.
It’s just
another fight,
another too-long night.
And I cry
and you rage.
Another cycle,
the end, the same.

In your eyes –
the reflected me.
A twisted, distorted, semi-reality.
But oh, dear mother,
All that you hate and causes
you grief,
the very essence of your
blood and history
all that I am---

I am because of you.